College Football · Week 1 · Aug 31–Sep 6
#14 USC
W 39-0 vs Fresno State · Fri, Sep 4 · 2-0 overall
Misery Index · Euphoric · ▼ from 60
A 39-0 shutout with two safeties has USC fans scanning the woods for Mothman instead of the defense.
The emotional rollercoaster
USC fans’ misery during the game, every 15 minutes. Up is worse.
What happened
USC beat Fresno State 39-0, and the strangest part wasn't the margin, it was the zero. A defense that spent last week as a punchline turned in a shutout with two safeties attached, which one fan ranked below cryptid sightings on the plausibility scale: "There's a greater chance of seeing Mothman or Bigfoot than ever seeing USC get two safeties and a shutout game." Credit went, sarcastically, to Gary and "a sock full of pennies." At 2-0, misery dropped to merely watchful. Nobody's unpacking yet.
What fans said
“There's a greater chance of seeing Mothman or Bigfoot than ever seeing USC get two safeties and a shutout game”
u/No_Preparation2766▲ 647sarcasm
“So Gary def beat the defense with a sock full of pennies last week yeah”
u/fatpinkchicken▲ 233sarcasm
““If you miss another assignment, you will climb Everest without oxygen” ahh coach”
u/Linktheb3ast▲ 46frustration
“This schedule is fucking brutal.”
u/Ragnarr_Lodbrok88▲ 22frustration
“A used napkin from wing stop is better than grinch”
u/Linktheb3ast▲ 20rage
“He might be small but he will route you up like Google Maps”
u/eosophobe▲ 15frustration
Missing a quote that should be here? Send us the link