College Football · Week 1 · Aug 31–Sep 6
Illinois
W 42-23 vs UAB · Thu, Sep 3 · 1-0 overall
Misery Index · Uneasy
Houser looked the part in a 42-23 win, but the room spent it dreading a defense headed for the Horseshoe.
The emotional rollercoaster
Illinois fans’ misery during the game, every 15 minutes. Up is worse.
What happened
Illinois opened 1-0 with a 42-23 win over UAB, and somehow the fanbase walked out of it sounding like a team that had lost. The turning point wasn't a play; it was the moment someone checked the schedule mid-celebration and posted, "Oh fuck me, I forgot we're at the Horseshoe this time around." Houser drew raves — "an absolute stud" — but the defense drew the verdict: "going to be awful this year especially against Ohio State and Oregon." Forty-two points, and the mood is already bracing.
What fans said
“Katin Houser good, defense bad. Duke should be… interesting if the tackling doesn’t improve”
u/pyrokapi324▲ 155frustration
“Houser is an absolute stud. Defense is going to be awful this year especially against Ohio State and Oregon”
u/royallex▲ 145frustration
“Oh fuck me, I forgot we’re at the Horseshoe this time around.”
u/DerpityHerpington▲ 63despair
“Maybe I’m being a bit too negative, but that was…slightly underwhelming, in some ways.”
u/Zloggt▲ 32frustration
“why the fuck would you jump into trying to make a tackle like that?”
u/fawkie▲ 12rage
“Offensive line can’t even block UAB lol we’re so fucked this year”
u/AuspiciousOtter24▲ 6despair
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